My mother died over 11 years ago. I have grieved and mourned the loss of her but I still had so many unresolved questions. My main question was why I had never had any dreams about my mother or had any kind of connection with her after all of these years? When I heard my cousin whose mother was my mother’s identical twin, say that she had a dream about my mother and my aunt and that they were happy, I knew immediately that I had to schedule another reading with Carla. I went online and booked a reading and within minutes, Carla contacted me and told me that she was available for the next day and I was so happy.
Well, the next day, when Carla contacted me, I asked her why is it that my cousin could dream about my mother, and I didn’t and why didn’t I share a connection with her. The answer that Carla gave me absolutely amazed me. She said that the person who has dreams like the one my cousin had are less emotionally involved and that they don’t feel the way that I do. She said that I wasn’t having the dreams of my mother because I felt way too much emotion about it. I was shocked!!! How did Carla know that? I didn’t give her any details at all about the unresolved issues I had concerning my mother’s and my relationship.
Carla said that I felt guilty. She knew that and I didn’t tell her. I felt guilt for so many years. I felt guilt for the last conversation we had before she died four days later, and I felt guilt for not being there when she died. I felt like if I had been there that I could have prevented it. Carla said that there’s nothing I could have done. She also said that my mother had felt jealousy towards me. I was absolutely amazed! Carla couldn’t have known the details about my relationship between my mother and I when she was alive.
Carla said that my mother felt jealousy towards me because I was doing the things that she never got to do. Wow! My mother married my father when she was 16 and dropped out of high school and had me by the time she was 18. She never finished high school. I did. She also said that my mother felt very overwhelmed by having me and that she felt like she was suffocated. Again, I say Wow! Again, Carla knew something that I didn’t tell her any details about. When I was born, my Grandmother told me that my mother would leave me for days at a time with her and she would run off and party. My mother didn’t raise me and I was given to my uncle and his wife to be raised by them. Carla said that I had to see horrific things growing up to become the person I am today. I didn’t tell Carla that I remember very graphically seeing my mother and father bring people over to the house and engage in doing drugs. It haunted me for a long time. I grew up knowing that I was never going to take that path in my life.
Carla said that it was finally time for me to let this go. She said that she felt that I was gonna heal from this very, very soon. She said that even though I didn’t get the love I wanted and needed from my mother that I could get it from other people. Again, she tapped into something I didn’t share with her. I am very close to my maternal Grandmother and have been since I was born. I consider my Grandmother the most important person in my life. Carla said that she gave me the “mama” love that I needed so bad.
Another thing that Carla said that amazed me is that I was a fighter! I never shared with her that my Grandmother always tells me that I am a fighter because when I was born, I almost died from my lungs being congested and that I was 6 weeks early due to my mother using drugs and therefore going into early labor. My Grandmother always says that I am her little fighter!! When Carla said that to me without even telling her that private and personal detail, I had tears in my eyes. That is something that only me and my Grandmother share.
Carla said that I would immediately start to lift the guilt and heal from this. She is absolutely right. I know now that my mother’s death isn’t my fault and that I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. I feel a peace that I haven’t felt in a very, very long time and now I know that everything is going to be okay.
Thank you again, Carla, for answering all of the questions that have haunted me for years
and helping me get on the road to healing.